my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
