I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
