fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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