God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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