he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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