spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
