dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
