i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
