i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
