girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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