You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
