Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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