I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
