dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
