Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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