just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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