im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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