ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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