If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
