dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
