Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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