i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
