so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
love makes seman taste better
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
