Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
