You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
