I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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