im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
