Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
