i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
