found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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