i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
