But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Quick, to the slutcave!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
