16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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