When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
