Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How external is "for external use only"?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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