I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
