Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
