Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
