i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
