I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
