I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
