if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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