wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
