hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
