I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
