two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
