Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
