Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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