do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
