garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
