I will die if light touches me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
